ouch!

So, I wasn't too good and missed almost a week doing stuff.  Again, I have plenty of excuses, but I am still mad at myself.  I did the tae bo today, and ugh I am now so tired its ridiculous.  Serves me right for not doing anything for five days...now I have to feel it!  At least I should sleep well tonight.

Sore!

Not sure if it was yesterday's yoga or the day before's tae bo, but my arms were sore this morning.  Not in a bad way, in a good way.  Its odd for such a thing to be delayed for me by two days so I'm somewhat inclined to lean towards it being from yoga, though I can't think of what would have caused that.

I am definitely feeling it now though.  I just did the ten minute cardio today, but I added in all my own stretches and ab exercises to push it a bit.  I had some stuff to do today, so time was a bit crunched.

I'm not pleased with my lunch though.  It wasn't horrible, but I definitely overate.  I had some leftover mac and cheese, some fried shrimp and an avocado.  I probably could have cut it in half and been okay.  I tend to try to finish stuff off when I should stretch it to two meals.  It was really tasty though.  I was good at dinner and only had one piece of chicken.

Yoga

I am definitely going to have to look over my yoga routine.  I think it is a good set of exercises, but it seems a little off.  And it definitely doesn't help that my list isn't in the right order and I have to keep looking up the exercises in my book to remember exactly what they are.  And I think my  list is slightly redundant.  I am going to re-write it by Thursday so that it is better.

Whew!

I went back to the tae bo vid today.  I did all of the parts, in order.  There were only a couple of places that I had to stop.  I felt really good about that.

So, I decided it might be a good idea to start keeping track of my measurements.  I don't own any kind of scale, and I've heard a lot of bad things about tracking by scale.  I know you can track by how well your clothes fit, but I've also had success in the past with measurements.  If nothing else, it will help to keep me motivated.  I can't find the book I used before, and don't feel like looking for it, so I will be mostly going by memory.  I remember measuring my (right) thigh and upper arm, bust, hip and waist.  So that's what I'm going to do now.

Thigh:  28 3/4...Hip 48 1/4...Waist 42....Bust 44...Arm 13...That is around the thickest part, except for the waist which was around the thinnest and the arm which I just did the middle.  I have my measurements from a couple years ago around here somewhere, I'll have to hunt them down sometime and see what they were.

It's funny how we convince ourselves of what we want to believe.  For the longest time I told myself that as long as I went in at the middle I wasn't overweight.  It took me absolutely years (and staring at my pants laying out on the bed and a shirt laid flat) to realize that I would probably always go in at the middle, and that didn't mean anything.

not so bad

I went back to the original ten minute cardio vid today.  I definitely am starting to tell the difference in what I am able to do.  And the reps I have been doing to build arm strength are getting easier too.  I am encouraged by this.  Hopefully I can start picking up the pace and getting somewhere instead of struggling to start.

I am not sure I am doing as well on the food aspect.  I'm not eating any worse, but I don't think I'm making as much headway as I would like.  I still find myself craving (and caving in) more meat than I should probably be eating...and definitely not the healthy proteins I could be eating, but fatty meats.  I have been making an effort to keep eating more veggies...I do like vegetables so that isn't so hard really.  I just need to be more strict with myself and portions.

abs!

I tried the ab boot camp by the tae bo guy today.  If I thought the tae bo owned me, I was wrong.  There were quite a few that I just couldn't complete on this one!  And half the time it wasn't because of the abs.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not a six pack or anything, but my thighs and neck were killing me on some of the exercises.  Even now, an hour later, my legs ache, and normally I don't feel things until the day after.  I can feel it in my abs too though, so that is good.

I'm not sure I'm going to do that one as regularly as the others.  We'll see how it feels tomorrow. 

*sniffle

I woke this morning with a head cold...couldn't stop blowing my nose to save my life!  All  morning long, it was non-stop.  I thought at first it was an allergy (I am allergic to dust), but the house was vacuumed on Sunday, so that wasn't as likely.  Then, strangely, around lunch time, it seems to have gone away, so here's hoping that it doesn't come back this evening or tomorrow.

I got out my yoga book and worked through the yoga routine I had.  It has been quite the while since I've done anything from that book, I had to re-read almost all the poses just to remember what to do.  I was surprised at how steady I was in the tree pose.  It has always been one of my favorites, but I used to struggle to do it with long pants on...my raised leg would always slip down.  Today, it wasn't an issue, even though I was wearing long jogging pants.  I was less wobbly than I remember as well.

I definitely need work on both my triangle and my warrior poses.  Warrior has always been a slight struggle, and triangle can be as well.  I think I need to remove my glasses for the triangle.  I kept trying to look up at the ceiling to maintain my center of balance, and it was half in and half out of my glasses field of vision, and so it made me feel extra wobbly.

Ugh

So it's been quite the while.  Hubby was pretty out of it with the flu, and son was home for fall break, and so I let myself slide.  We did end up being gone at least half the day both weekend days, so time was a bit tight, but I could have done more on some of those days as well.

Today, I tried doing that tae bo workout....though the vids were out of order so I missed 1/5th of it....it still about knocked me over.  I think I may try to get that in at least once a week.  I am thinking of trying a new mixup.  I know I want to do more yoga, not only is it good for my mental state, I want to not only loose weight but recover some of the flexibility I have lost over the years and develop more strength.  I have always loved some of the yoga poses that there is no way I can possibly do right now.  I will have to dig it out, but a while back I went through my yoga books and made up a workout that did the whole body.

I am thinking that if I do three days of cardio (possibly one of tae bo and two of the other cardio I liked), and then in between did the yoga workout with some upper body weights (my upper body strength has always been pathetic) and general stretching.  Minimum of 5 days, but I could either do more yoga on the weekend or just general stretching.  I think that is something that would be not only maintainable, but something that would be interesting, so that I wouldn't get bored with it, and would hit all of the areas I want to hit:  better overall fitness, building strength and flexibility and loosing weight.

Another day....

So I was good yesterday, and today, I did my cardio and stretching/strengthening.  I am definitely starting to see results in the stretching.  I have always been pretty flexible...no matter how long it's been, given a few minutes to warm up, I can palm the ground while standing up.  But I am seeing an improvement in how far I can stretch.  I am hoping to work back into being able to do the splits eventually.

I still like the ten minute cardio best, and it is definitely feeling shorter.  When I first started it, by the 4 minute remaining mark, I was counting down the minutes.  Today, for the first time, when the last repetition started, I thought there was at least one more to go, so that felt good.

Gonna do fish and fries for dinner with carrot sticks.  Tomorrow I am going to be roasting a chicken in the oven, so that should be really good.  I have to figure out how to caramelize the onions and roast the carrots and end up with them in one dish...will probably cook the onions later and just mix them up, although I may roast them together, I haven't figured out that part yet.

Slackin

Once again, I could give great examples of why I haven't done jack over the past two days.  We had car issues and my son was sick...but really I allowed those things to give me an excuse to not work out.  I considered slacking again today (I had to clean), but I don't think I will let myself.

We made nacho's a couple of days ago, and wow is that an easy way to eat too much.  It doesn't look like much when you just have the chips on the plate.  But by the time you have added a bit of everything, it is a huge pile of food.  I try to make sure we have lettuce, tomato and olives for some veggies, but still the bulk of the meal is cheese, meat and chips.  One night we made taquitos with it, which is nice, because they are tasty, but again, by the time you get your nacho's made up, you don't have room for anything else (and probably have already eaten too much).  Nachos are almost as bad as a buffet.

Results?

I don't own a scale.  I have been tempted before, but ultimately the numbers don't matter to me.  I want to feel good.  I want to be able to look in the mirror and love what I see (I love myself, I just don't love the way I have let myself devolve).  I want to be able to go into any store and find clothing in my size (or at least be able to complain that everything that fits me around the waist is inches too short!).

I can't tell if I am starting to see results or if I am just thinking I am.  I noticed yesterday that my watch (which is metal and non-elastic) was sliding around on my wrist and normally it is not so loose.  I also am starting to see (I think) more definition on my arms and feel it on my legs. 

Irregardless of that, I am definitely finding that I am less sore the day after.  I am trying to push myself more when I work out, so we'll see how that goes.

*cheers

I feel really good today.  I tried a thirty minute cardio vid by the same guy that does the one I like.  I was definitely getting a good work out, although I think his ten minute one is more intense.  I will probably end up alternating them.  I am just slightly tight in the muscles now, not to the sore point but I can tell I did something today.

I have just all around felt good today.  I was starving by 11am (I normally eat around noon), as I just had a bowl of cereal this morning.  Which is odd because some days I can eat a bowl of cereal and not feel hungry until after noon.  But I much prefer the days where I am slightly hungry all day.  I would rather feel a touch hungry than feel over full.

dance cardio

So I think I am going to drop this dance cardio vid I have been using.  I tried it again today, and I just think it is a touch too fast to really be worth it.  I can't physically do the moves that fast in any decent manner...I can make my body move that fast, but it is not controlled and it is not done properly, I am just flailing about trying to make the beat.  I guess it's back to the other one for me.

Dinner wasn't the most low fat tonight.  I made a stroganoff, and it was quite good.  It didn't have as much vegetables as I would have liked, only having about half a package of mushrooms, but it did have two onions in it.  This was definitely over-shone by the the amount of meat and noodles though.  I didn't have egg noodles, so I ended up using a type of penne.  And with the sour cream, it's not a weight loss meal by any count.

But I did good on my portion control.  I made myself one bowl and that was it.  Lunch was pretty good too, I had some leftovers (pork chop, veggies and noodles from last night).  I was still a bit hungry after what I ate, so I ate a banana.  I think I need to find some way to munch without actually consuming anything, because I am definitely a muncher.

I've been eating breakfast cereal this week, which for me is very strange, I've never been much of a cereal person...I'm actually not much of a breakfast foods person, but I make the effort to eat something for breakfast every day.  This cereal I have been eating is really good though, I think it's made by Post, its flakes with fruit and nuts, the one I had this morning was cranberries and almonds.  It's really good, I definitely could eat it for breakfast every morning.

New cardio

So, I tried a new cardio video today...it was actually by the same person who does the other one that I like (not the dance one), but I didn't like this one as much.  It was partially a body shaping vid, meant to be done with light hand weights (which I don't have), but even so, I wasn't as into this one.  I think I will just stick with the other one and possibly that dance one.  I may give that one another go tomorrow.

I definitely need to be stricter with my portion control.  I did okay at dinner, I cut off part of the pork chop before I even made my plate up, but I think I left too much.  Plus, I made some alfredo noodles, and they came out really good, so I had a bit more of those than I had planned.  I did eat a good serving of steamed vegetables.  Normally that is what I try to eat more of.

Weekend

So weekends when my hubby is home and on a day schedule are almost always busy.  We did a bunch of shopping on Friday, and then went to a local craft fair on Saturday (he doesn't work a normal Monday through Friday job so our 'weekend' is not strictly a normal weekend).  I completely slacked off and did nothing else besides, and I can feel it today.  I woke up earlier than I wanted to (it's the weekend, I should be able to sleep in!) because my body hurt, and I could feel the muscles in my leg trying to be twitchy yesterday.

I've been still fighting that lethargy the last couple of days, which I think is somewhat unrelated as it started while I was still doing my exercising.  I definitely plan on working out today.

I grilled some peaches yesterday....they were really good tasting.  I don't normally eat the skin of my peaches...I actually had to look up and see if it was okay to eat!  But besides being a bit interesting of a texture, the skin was like most other fruit skin, a bit tougher and slightly more bitter.  They had a nice slightly charcoal taste (which amuses me because we have a gas grill).  They were very tasty, still a touch warm, with some peach ice cream.

Exhausted!

I have no clue why, but I was super tired today.  I was doing okay this morning, not too overly energetic, but not bad either.  I was good and did my ten minute cardio and some stretching/strengthening afterward.  I ate lunch, a piece of fish and some fries and guacamole.

Then, I was just wiped out.  I was playing a game on the xbox and had to turn it off and just kinda sat there for a while.  It was kind of out of the blue.  After about an hour or so, it passed, but it just completely threw me for a loop.

If there is one thing I hate, it's that kind of ridiculous exhaustion.  That is one of the reasons I am wanting to drop the excess weight.  I hate it when I feel so physically run down that I don't want to move.  I also know that the more tired my body is, the more my mind tends to shut down.  I am definitely a thinker, I like my mind active, I like thinking about many different things, preferably all at once.  And when I get physically tired, then I get muddled in the brain and it is hard to think about anything.

Mexican food

So today, I ended up making some Mexican style meat...it was a cut of beef we can get fairly cheap, it is some kind of minced cut, not quite a ground beef, but cut into many little pieces.  I marinate it in lime and beer and spices, and then fry it up.  Today it was quite lean, though it had more gristle than the last time I made it. 

I also made some fresh guacamole.  I absolutely love avocados in about any form.  I just mince a bit of garlic, and mash up the avocado with a touch of lime (to help prevent browning).

I was good at dinner, I made one burrito and then considered making a second, but didn't.  I will probably have a snack later, but I feel much better doing that than I do eating a second serving of dinner and then being stuffed all evening.

I did a dance cardio workout today, I definitely felt my legs get tired before the end of it.  That has become one of my mini-goals...to get through these ten minute cardio workouts without feeling completely leaden and gasping for breath.  Once I get to that point, I figure I will work on the 30 min cardio.

Fish!

I did the roller bladeing thing again today.  I was a bit smoother, less shaky, at least at first, but I could tell when it started to be a strain.  I am thinking that if I keep at it, a bit at a time, that will go away.  The neighbor's dog must have thought I was insane though, he kept barking at me while I was skating!

So I made some breaded whiting for dinner, with fries and a salad.  The fish looks so much smaller frozen!  I ended up making three fillets for me and my son to share, and one and a half was probably too much.  We have some fries left over, which I may eat later on. 

I don't feel sore after yesterday's cardio.  I can't decide if that is because my body is getting more used to the activity (and therefor I can kick it up another notch!) or if I just didn't push as hard yesterday and so no muscle soreness.  I was plenty out of breath when I finished, so I am hoping it is the first.  I hate when I feel like I am pushing and yet find out later that I was just not doing as much as I thought I was.

The joys of pizza

Pizza is definitely one of those foods that I have to watch myself on.  I don't eat half a pizza or anything like that, but I do tend to go for a third piece instead of just two.  It's worse if we get anything with the pizza, like hot wings or bread sticks. 

That is one of those things that I do that I need to stop myself from doing.  Especially on buffets.  I will get one or two of something I only sort of like, sometimes just because it is there.  Like bread sticks.  I am not a super fan of bread sticks.  They aren't one of my favorite foods.  They are just there.  Granted, when they have cheese on them, I like them much more, but still, if given my choice between a piece of pizza or a cheesy bread stick, I would prefer the pizza...and yet I will often get both.

There is a Mexican restaurant near us that does two buffets:  a lunch one and a taco (dinner) one.  They have some great stuff on their buffet.  I always end up eating way more than I should when I go there.  And some of it makes no sense.  Like I will get some tacos, and then get a plate to eat with their chips as nachos.  And I will put both beans and rice on my nacho plate.  I don't have anything against beans or rice, but I never get a craving for Spanish rice or re-fried beans.  When we make nachos at home, I never make beans or rice to go on them.  I am perfectly happy with cheese, sometimes meat, sour cream, and veggies.  And if I sit any length of time, I will eat chips and salsa...constantly...until I am so stuffed it hurts.  Not the brightest decision, but when it is there in front of me, I definitely have a compulsion to nibble...and nibble...and nibble.

I kind of like this cardio workout I did again this morning.  It's only ten minutes, but it definitely gets you moving, and it isn't so horribly complex or strenuous that I can't do the moves.  I could definitely feel an improvement since the last time I did it last week.  I am not sure if I am perhaps starting to not be as horribly out of shape, or if I just was more used to the moves and so they came easier, so I wasn't getting all messed up trying to string them together.  I keep mixing up my stretching and strengthening exercises.  I think I will keep building up a bank of exercises I like for different parts of the body, that way I can do different ones and won't get bored.

Day off...not really

I'd like to say that I decided to take the day off, because it is good to rest up between workouts.  Which isn't necessarily false (about having days off being a good thing), but that isn't why I didn't do anything today.  I just couldn't get up the will to get up and moving.  It is definitely a harder thing for me to get motivated to work out on the weekends.  I am self-conscious.  I don't mind looking ridiculous when I am the only one here, but when I have an audience, I tend to do less.

I need to just force myself to do something.  Even my stretching and regular yoga type stuff, which I can do when my husband or son is up, would keep me doing something.

I am doing a bit better at least with drinking water.  I have started keeping track of how many glasses I drink.  The goal is 8 (though 10 would be better) glasses of water...with the 8 ounce standard being one 'glass'...which actually means one of my drinking glasses counts as two glasses.  I've been pulling about 6 the last couple of days.  Which is definitely more than I regularly drink..there are days where I don't pay attention and end up getting ready for bed and realizing that I've only drank one glass.

That count isn't including the two cups of coffee in the morning.  I know they say that coffee counts, but I don't count it.  It is one of those things that I am not willing to give up (at least at this point in time), even though I know that a large part of my caloric and sugar intake comes from my morning coffee.  I love those flavored creamers, and I like my coffee heavy on the cream/sugar....so it is more of a desert type thing.

Rollerblades!

I took my rollerblades out for the first time in about ten years!  I didn't stay out a long time, I was having trouble keeping my balance, but I didn't fall.  I figure that if I keep doing a little at a time, I will get my balance back soon enough.  The one thing I forgot was how heavy each skate was.

I didn't do a specific cardio today, though I did do some dance warm ups for about 5 minutes.  I did my normal stretching, which I watched the clock, and it was about 25 minutes.  If I can even do that much every day, that will go a long way...that is half an hour every day that I wasn't doing before.

I am not so sure I am happy with the food choices I made today.  Breakfast was about half good.  I opened a can of peaches, and ate some of those, plus two hard boiled eggs.  I added a large slice of this cheese bread I bought a couple of days ago.  I think I should have done a smaller slice.

For lunch, I had a salad, and some chips.  I knew we were having chili again for dinner, so I wasn't concerned about there being only a small handful of Parmasean for protean.  I kinda think I shouldn't have had the chips.  But I don't eat a ton of chips all at once.  These were a spicy bar-b-que flavor, so the spice was enough I didn't want a lot.  Normally the salt turns me off chips before I can eat too many.  I don't really like how much salt is put on most chips.  It is way too much for my tastes.

The pain begins

I can definitely feel the effects of yesterday's cardio in my legs today.  The muscles are tight and just past sore but not to really painful.  I have always liked the 'day after' soreness of a good workout.  I think it helps me remember that I am actually doing something.  I didn't think that I did a lot with my arms, but I can feel tightness there too.

The cardio I chose today was a humbling experience.  I consider myself a decent dancer, I took many years of classical dance when I was younger, and I do enjoy social dancing.  I picked a dance based cardio workout today, and I couldn't keep up.  I don't know if it was just that I didn't have time to practice the moves slower and get them down before trying to do them at tempo (which was quite fast).  It wasn't that I couldn't get my body moving fast enough, but rather that my mind wasn't translating the movement fast enough for me to get moving before I was supposed to be on to the next move.

I didn't have the healthiest of breakfasts today.  I am kind of a horrible breakfast eater.  We rarely have fresh fruit on hand, as the fruit at our stores is mostly horrible quality...either not ripe or bruised and rotten.  I had some frozen toaster waffles (they were blueberry, but I don't really consider that a serving of fruit).  The waffles on their own aren't too bad, but I added a frozen sausage patty and then some cream cheese, to make a breakfast sandwich.

Lunch was better, I had a tangelo and one of those whole wheat hot pockets.  Yeah I know it's processed food, but its one of the more recognizable ones.  I really like tangelos, even though they aren't as sweet as some of the other oranges, they peel easily and they rarely have any seeds.  I don't really like oranges that much, but these are okay.  I think I read somewhere that they are a grapefruit cross.  I can see that, they can be kinda tart sometimes.

I made some flan (from a box like jello) that I am going to have later.  I don't eat a lot of sweets, I rarely eat candy, although I do like chocolate.  I don't like a lot of cakes and stuff...anything that is too sweet I really don't like.  But I love cheesecake and custard type deserts.  Creme brullee is another great one. 

All in all, I really feel good about today though.  The cardio was only 10 minutes, but I did a full set of my other exercises and stretches.  I definitely want to make sure that I am stretching at the same time.  I am pretty flexible, but I don't want to loose it as I work on my muscle tone.  The biggest thing I really want to work on right now is to get my cardio up so that I can do a 30 minute cardio without feeling like I was gasping for air, and doing it regularly.  All told, I did about thirty minutes total I think, at least 20 minutes, which is pretty good.  If I can keep that up, at least 5 times a week, I think I will do good.

Body image and TV

One of the things I find interesting is that I am drawn to shows on TV that involve models or attractive, athletic (skinny) women.  I do want to be able to do things physically that are not an option right now.  I loved dancing, and I think it would be fun to do gymnastics.  I would love to get into martial arts of some kind.  My absolutely insane interest is in Parkour.  I came across that a while ago, and absolutely love it.  There is no way I can do those kinds of things right now.

Almost every show about this type of women is a group thing:  it is a group of the same type of women, either working together as a team or competing with each other.  Often, the type of women drawn to these types of things are much more effeminate than I consider myself.  I really think if I were forced into such a situation of having to co-habitate with a large group of women like that, I would go insane.  Especially the bubbly 'cheerleader' type of personality.  That is so NOT me.

I did pretty good today on maintaining my exercise.  I tried a ten minute cardio workout that I found online, and that was challenging and pretty fun.  I have a set of exercises I have been doing over the past couple of weeks, that mainly focuses on my waist and some work with a five-pound weight for my arms.  I probably need a bigger weight, but I found this one cheap, and figured it was better than nothing until I get something better.

I am thinking about breaking out my rollerblades and using them to get more active.  I haven't used them in probably close to 9 years or so.  I think it would be good, not only because it would be something fun to do, but also it would be good to help improve my balance.  I am not so bad with balance, but there are moments where I don't feel as firm as I would like.  I don't know if it is a vision thing (since I do wear glasses), and I definitely notice that sometimes things appear to be moving at different speeds around me.  In some ways, I am better with my eyes closed or in the dark, then I am relying more on my inner sense of balance and not visual clues.

We had chili for dinner tonight.  While not the most diet oriented food, I definitely feel I can achieve what I want without going to a traditional diet.  I do try to incorporate fruits and vegetables and restrict things like fat and excess sugar.  What I struggle most with is portion size.  I often over-eat, especially at dinner time.  I have definitely found that if I don't eat breakfast within a couple of hours from waking, that it affects my metabolism.  Oddly enough, eating breakfast makes me more hungry during the day.  But I do my best to eat small, healthy snacks.  I am trying to make use of some snacks my parents have sent me that are geared towards use in a weight-loss program.  They are low calorie, and have healthy protein in them.  

And so it begins

I can't think of a specific time that I started noticing my external image didn't match my internal one.  Most of the time I don't 'feel' fat.  I know I am overweight, I know I need to loose quite a bit, and yet, in my own mind, I am a slim, athletic person. 

I was very skinny as a child.  I guess you could say I was active.  I remember running around a lot with my friends in grade school.  In middle school, I took up dance:  ballet, tap, jazz.  I also was part of the school track team, a distance runner.

Then in high school, I stopped both.  And still, I was blessed with a high metabolism, and stayed slender.  I was 5'10 and 150 pounds. 

After high school is when things started to change.  I was married and had my son at 19, but I think I started to gain weight before then.  I know I didn't loose the weight as I think I should have after the pregnancy. 

It's now eleven years later, and I weigh about 230.  I like to think I carry it well.  My height helps, and I carry my weight over my entire body.  I used to tell myself I wasn't overweight if I still had a waist that went in. 

But I can look in a mirror and not like what I see.  I don't hate myself, but I don't like my body either.  I do hate that I feel exhausted doing simple stuff.  I hate when I get out of breath so quickly when I try to run.  I hate that standing for long periods of time makes my legs and feet hurt.  I hate trying to find clothes that fit and still look nice. 

It's not that I am opposed to exercise.  But I definitely procrastinate it.  I put it off or make excuses as to why I can't do it now, and then the end of the day comes and I haven't done anything.  I know that I have a lot of sedentary habits:  I love to read and spend hours on the computer.

I also love food.  I have always loved food, since I was a child.  I don't have horrible eating habits when it comes to eating greasy food or fast food, I really don't like a lot of fast food.  But I do like rich food.  I still have a high metabolism, I am hungry a couple of hours after I eat.  And when I sit down to eat a full meal, I am too often tempted to eat larger portions or go back for more.  A part of my mind eats because that food might not be there later.  I think that if I don't eat it now, I might miss out.  I am not sure where this comes from, I didn't want for good food as a child.

It is extremely frustrating for me to go grocery shopping.  So many of the healthy options, like fresh fruits and vegetables, are not cheap or they are spoiled or not in good quality.  The instant foods, the frozen meals, these are the cheap things.  I can afford to make some healthy choices, but money is definitely a limiting factor at times.

I decided to start writing about my thoughts on food, exercise, body image, weight loss and anything related, not only as a way to explore what I really feel about these things, but also as a way to encourage myself to act on what I want to happen...to be the change I want to see.  I know that if I put the words out there, I will be more likely to do something about them, instead of just wishing something would miraculously change.  I hope, that by setting the goal to write every day, at least a little, about something related, about my progress, be it mental or physical or emotional, that I will drive myself to do better and achieve my goals.